Best wishes for the Holiday season! 

With the holiday season upon us and the New Year just a step away, I wish I could send a personal greeting and holiday wish to each and every parent, teacher, staff member, administrator and community member who has been a part of Say Yes to No.  What a movement we have started.  Stories of parents re-claiming “It’s OK to say No.”  have been overwhelming.   Empowering is the word many parents use.   Children will, in the end, receive the biggest gift – the gift of self-discipline.  Success in school and in life is the watchword in Say Yes to No.  Thank you for giving this gift to your children.  

We are looking forward to the New Year.  Lots of Say Yes to No kickoffs in 2008.  We’ll do our best to share the stories and pass along new ideas.    Until then, have a wonderful holiday, and enjoy your kids and family gatherings.

Parents helping parents.

In this season of giving as the wrapping paper flies, and gifts are exchanged we can forget that sometimes the most helpful present is just our “presence” for each other. Words of support and experience go a long way to relieve a worried parent. Sharing parenting strategies that work helps give a parent a new direction. Discussing and clarifying values and character traits that you wish for your child is easier when you can listen to other parents grappling with the same ideas.

The parents at New Prague Middle School have discovered this and done something about it. After their No book read, they set up an interactive blog. Busy parents do have time to check in on-line and share, react, respond to each other. Ideas are batted around, questions answered, opinions sought and given. Parents supporting parents is key to changing the Yes culture that our kids are surrounded by. The No parenting strategies work, but they work better when parents are in conversation and sharing ideas with each other.

Thanks to New Prague Middle School for the idea of an interactive blog.

Another kid story to pass along about the (grand-) parenting power of No. 

A proud grandfather shared this story with me. His 5 year old grandson found the No book on their coffee table. He picked it up, curious about the cover and held it out to his grandma and asked “Can you read me a story?” Grandma looked at him, smiled, opened the book No and began to read the first page – the story of the young four year old and the Target melt down.

The grandson loved the story and their chat together about the “gimmies”. He now calls it the No Book, and wanted to take it home so that his parents could read him more stories. Needless to say the grandparents gave him their copy. But they found they had to buy another copy because at their grandson’s next visit, he asked for another story and chat from the No Book.

Saying No when we need to is not always easy, but kids continue to teach us that it’s the right thing to do.

Remind yourself that you’re not the only parent who has experienced a child throwing temper tantrums in public.  While having a child make a scene can be uncomfortable and embarrassing, teaching your child that no means no has a long-term benefit of him or her learning self-control.  The good news is that when handled consistently, most children outgrow tantrums by age 3 – 5.

When shopping with your children, state the purpose of your errand before you go to the store.  Stick with your agenda.

Tell your child, “We’re not buying anything, but you can show me which toys you like.”

When your child asks to buy something say, “Put it on your wish list” or remind them that the purpose of the trip was X.

Talk about your values regarding spending, purchasing or other money matters at other times than when you’re at the store.

Model non-impulsive shopping for your children:  let them help you make a shopping list, cut out coupons, and compare prices.  Then let them see you wait to purchase when you’ve saved the money.

Avoid shopping with your children around meal or nap times.  Equally important is avoiding shopping when you’re tired, cranky, or short on patience.

Say Yes to No was kicked off across the Anoka-Hennepin School District this week.  Parents and teachers around the district came together in book discussion groups.  Luckily they were able to schedule their gatherings between the snow storms we’ve been experiencing this week.

Having parents come together is an important part of this campaign.  The No conversation is all about parents supporting one another, learning from one another and discovering what works for their families.  Just realizing that it’s OK to say no is a big step in this media driven “yes” culture.  The holiday season is upon us and with it often a big dose of stress – how to fit everything into a schedule that is already packed.  Try to pick and do what’s most important to you and say no to the rest.  It is OK to say no.

Learning to say No

The National Institute on Media and the Family just released its annual Video Game Report Card at a press conference in Washington DC. The reason I bring it up here with Say Yes to No is that one of our findings was that parents are increasingly arguing with their children over when and how much time kids can play video games. 

Saying no is not always easy. You can cut down on arguments however with parenting tactics that work. Lay the ground-rules ahead of time. Be clear on what the consequences are if the rule is not adhered to. Most importantly, follow through and be consistent.   Use timers, media tickets or some other device to keep track of video game and other screen use. And keep the video game system out of kids’ bedrooms and in the family room where you can keep an eye on content and time played.

Finding the right media balance for your children is an important parenting task. The strength of a child’s argument is an indication of the powerful pull of media. Saying no when you need to is a gift for your children’s future.

The word “discipline” comes up in every Say Yes to No discussion.  Self-discipline…school discipline…Are we trying to turn our kids into little robots, following orders?  Most emphatically no.  The gift of self-discipline frees a child to actually think and question more often.  Self-discipline leads to success.   The more successful a child is, the more competent they are which raises their self-esteem.  A competent child realizes they have choices and will more often than not choose the path to success.

We associate the word “discipline” with rules and restrictions.  But the actual root of the word comes from the Latin word meaning “to teach.”  When we teach our kids to manage themselves, we are giving them a gift for life – self-discipline.