Thanksgiving Greetings

Thanksgiving is a time to pause and reflect on the gifts that make our lives so rich. The energy that so many of you have put into the Say Yes to No campaign over the past three months has indeed made all our lives in Minnesota and in our communities richer.

In recent weeks we have received inquiries and requests for Say Yes to No from as far away as Argentina. Clearly parents around the world see the benefit of No for their children. Children are growing up in a fast paced and rapidly changing world and they need all the tools we can give them to have happy and productive lives.  

So, thank-you to all the parents, teachers, principals, administrators, and community leaders who are supporting one another in giving our kids the gifts of self-discipline and resilience.

“It’s up to us.”

Last week a parent from Benilde-St. Margaret’s High School in St. Louis Park, Brenda Coleman, listened to the Say Yes to No presentation.   As the talk finished, Brenda looked at the two parents sitting next to her and said, “It’s up to us.”

Brenda and these two parents are acting on the No message and joining Minnesota Say Yes to No.  They intend to start the conversations at Benilde-St. Margaret with parent discussion groups on the book No.  Change happens one conversation at a time.  We look forward to hearing more from them.

Minnesota Say Yes to No kicked off at Benilde- St. Margaret’s in St. Louis Park with a speaking event attended by over 285 parents and teachers. Many of these parents of 7th through 12th graders came with a question, “Am I the only one dealing with these Yes pressures?”

Here’s what they found:

From the parent coordinator:
“We’re all in this together and we’re going to make these conversations happen.”

Another parent:
“Thank you, thank you…finally I feel like I can breathe and be a parent, not just a friend.”

A dad:
“In this Yes community where we can give our kids everything, it’s nice to know we don’t need to provide everything.”

Conversations and discussions on NO are spreading from parent to parent, school community to school community.

The Say Yes to No campaign got a big kickoff in Woodbury, MN last week.  A packed room of almost 1,000 parents and educators gathered to hear the message of No from Dr. David Walsh.  

Why did they come?  One parent related that she just felt out of control with her children, buffeted by constant requests for the “next new thing.”  Another parent said that she needed reinforcement for where to set boundaries.  A third had read the book and found that actually saying No when needed empowered her and her husband as parents.

At the end of his presentation, Dr. Dave asked people to raise their hands if they felt that self-discipline was an important skill for kids to have.  Over 1,000 hands went into the air.  Next, he asked “How many of you will do some action to help your kids acquire this skill?”  The hands went up again.  What action to take is as varied as the number of people and families in the room.  Reading the book, taking part in a discussion group, bringing the Say Yes to No kit to their local school, church, or community group, starting a book read group with neighbors, etc., etc.  What’s important is that this set of parents and educators sees that self-discipline is key to their children’s success and happiness in life.

Here we are, two months into the Minnesota Say Yes to No Campaign and 200 Minnesota schools have signed up to be champions in the campaign.  Each of these schools has committed to leading community conversations with parents and educators about No and raising healthy, successful kids.

One parent remarked after a No presentation: "Thank You! After all these years of being a parent I finally feel validated for saying No and putting boundaries around my kids. I always felt like the "un-cool" mom, the boring, stick-in-the-mud mom. But after tonight, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders! Thank You! I'm really glad you guys are doing this!"

As more parents join in the No conversations, perhaps the definition of a “cool” parent will change, at least in the eyes of other parents.  Terry Cottingham, principal of Harriet Beecher Stowe Elementary School in Duluth shares, “It is so important to encourage children to show self-discipline so they can create success for themselves.  Say Yes to No helps parents, teachers and community members ensure children are making smart choices by guiding them on how to make the right choices on their own.”