"Someone once told me that as a parent, it isn't my job to be my child's best friend. It is my job to create a person that can walk in the world using his or her own two feet."
 

- Say Yes to No participant

Moorhead, MN announced Monday that they will be joining the Say Yes to No campaign. Moorhead Community Education and the Moorhead Early Childhood Alliance are planning to start the conversation over the next few months. Moorhead leaders hope the book studies will ignite important conversations about ways to engage kids of the “gimme” generation in thinking about community, commitment, learning and compassion. Moorhead is organizing book discussions, major community events, and parent sessions. Welcome Moorhead to the Say Yes to No conversation!

A group of parents from Elk River, MN started the Say Yes to No conversation this fall. Fifteen parents gathered together for their very first discussion group last week, eager to get started and unsure about what to expect. What’s special about Say Yes to No is that it isn’t about criticizing parenting styles or providing a set of hard and fast rules.

Instead Say Yes to No starts with this simple question: What character traits would you like to see in your grown children?

The majority of the fifteen parents in ­­Elk River, MN answered with the following­­: Honest, self-confident, healthy, socially adjusted, and respectful.

So the next question is – how do we get there? This is what the Say Yes to No campaign is all about.

“Someone asked me yesterday how we are going to measure the success of the Say Yes to No campaign. I started to respond with an explanation of the traditional means with which we justify success in the nonprofit world, including workshop attendance, Web activity, media hits and more. All of these tools help us create a relatively accurate picture of the degree to which people across the state are participating in a project. However, while Say Yes to No can certainly be described using these tools – the numbers and statistics leave out the most important part of the story.

Say Yes to No is about starting a community conversation around success for kids. It is the first ever state-wide book read. It is a truly grassroots effort. So the real measures of success, the indicators that people are participating in the conversation, take place in schools, homes, churches, synagogues, youth centers, and libraries. The richness of these stories doesn’t show up in traditional measurements. And when we put them together they paint a more powerful picture.

So if you are participating in Say Yes to No – start listening as you walk through the bookstore, library, school, or neighborhood. Who’s talking to each other that wasn’t before? Who’s got a copy of the book in their hands? Who grabs a bag of marshmallows at the grocery store and turns to the person next to them to tell them about this experiment…? Who is starting the conversation? Who is joining in? These are the true measures of our success. 

Elk River was the scene last night of the latest Say Yes to No conversation.  With over 500 people present, the best words spoken were from a young 10 year-old girl, Savaana, who hearing about Say Yes to No at school wanted to say something to the parents.
 These are her words:

“Hi! I’m Savaana and I am here to talk to you about my experience with
                Say Yes to No!
When my teacher gave me this paper I thought OK this sounds interesting!
                Thumbs up yah!
                Thumbs down Nah!
It’s cool not to have a mom or dad that always says yes.  I love my mom and dad because they say No sometimes!  But I know in those times they love me most.

I hope parents here tonight learn to say yes to No to their children because that’s teaching them the reality of life!

            Parents who say No love most!”

“Is it ever too late to say No?”  That’s the most common question heard at a No presentation.  And it happened again in San Francisco last Friday:  “I always had a hard time saying ‘no’ to my daughter.  Now she’s 13 and out of control.  Is it too late?”

It’s never too late to start setting limits and saying No when you should with your child – whether your child is two or thirty.  It’s harder to change behaviors the older a child gets, but with consistency and follow through, your message will get through and new behavior patterns will emerge. 

That’s why the book No has a chapter with information, practical tips and parenting strategies for all ages.  Minnesota Say Yes to No is the campaign that encourages this conversation – it’s never too late.

If you are interested in getting involved with Say Yes to No in your community, please call Alissa Peichel at 612-385-1565 for more information.