How children pay attention is one of the more perplexing issues for parents.  A common question I hear from parents is “My son is glued to his video game (or TV screen) for hours.  I have to pry him away.  Yet at school, the teacher tells me my son has trouble focusing on his work.  He can focus – is he not trying at school?”

The answer to this question lies in the brain.  The ability to pay attention is really divided into two systems that are wired differently in the brain.  The first attention system is reactive.  It’s based in the emotional center of the brain.  This attention system is passive and involuntary.  The brain is hard-wired from birth to pay attention to movement and stimulation.  We don’t need to learn this.

The second attention system is focused.  It’s based in the executive center of the brain.  This attention system must be trained and developed to work effectively.  We do not get this type of focused attention automatically.

Now guess which attention system is in play when a child plays video games or watches TV.  Yep, you guessed it – the reactive system.  It is hard-wired into a child’s brain to pay close attention to things that move.  Their survival from an evolutionary standpoint depended on it.  So any type of media activates reactive attention found in the emotional center of the brain.  If this movement is stimulating (and engaging as video games and TV shows are) then we also have a positive emotion attached to it which is reinforcing and wants us to do more.

Guess which attention system is needed for the types of higher order thinking and learning that takes place in school.  Yep, you guessed right again – the focused system.  The trick here is that this attention system needs to be trained in a child, one small step at a time from the moment of birth.  Media will interrupt the training of focused attention if an electronic screen is on around a child.  When that child reaches school, if the focused attention system has not been developed, attention issues may arise when that child needs to focus his or her attention on learning to read, write or think.

What activities do you think help develop focused attention in children?

Dr. Dave

The switch from summer days to school days is always a challenge.  There’s more scheduling, homework, assignments, parent nights at school, communication with teachers, books, clean clothes, lunches …and then when the day is finished there’s the need to sleep.    And yes, your kids need a good night’s sleep also.  A good night’s sleep for kids is key to their ability to cope and learn the next day at school.  A sleepy kid in a classroom just won’t be alert.  When the lesson asks for brain power, a sleepy child’s brain will scream for zzz’s.

How much sleep do children need?  There are individual differences, but here are the recommendations from the National Sleep Foundation:
    1.  Toddlers: 12-14 hours
    2.  Preschoolers: 11-13 hours
    3.  School-age (1st through 5th grades): 10-11 hours
    4.  Preteens: a little over 9 hours
    5.  Teenagers: 8 to 9.5 hours of sleep

Not getting enough sleep can actually interfere with the brain’s ability to understand what’s being said.  Like a series of dominoes, a child’s capacity to learn and cope decreases.  How a child is able to participate and perform in a classroom is directly dependent on how much sleep he or she got the night before.  Even an hour less of optimal sleep has a negative impact.

What is a major sleep thief for kids?  Besides caffeinated drinks, it turns out that electronics in the bedroom, from cell phones to computers and TVs are major sleep robbers.  A child who is hyped up with an increase of adrenaline from a video game or TV program will have a hard time calming down and falling asleep.  Talking on a cell phone actually increases alpha waves in the brain which are not conducive to going to sleep.   

What’s the ticket to a good night’s sleep?  Establish a consistent bedtime routine.  Make bedtime relaxing.  Avoid hard exercise, caffeinated drinks and a big meal right before bedtime.  And most of all keep electronics out of the bedroom.  What bedtime routines work for your child?

Dr. Dave

Resilience is the character trait that sees us through tough times. It’s the strength that picks us up when life knocks us down, helps us survive failures.  Resilience keeps us from falling apart when we face stress and helps us steer our lives back to more stable shores. Resilience helps us pick up the pieces and make something positive happen.

 

Parents intensely love their children and want them to have a secure future. Resilience will be a key character trait. It’s also one of the hardest traits for parents to let their children develop because it involves letting children learn from failure and handle the consequences of their own actions. It’s a process of learning to let go of your child as he or she matures. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, author of the book A Parent's Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens, outlines in detail how parents can avoid the pitfalls of “helicopter parenting.”  Parents who hover or intervene in their chilren’s lives when they really should stay in the background are not letting their children develop a sense of competancy, that they have the skills to handle life’s difficulties. When safety is the issue parents have to intervene. Parents of preschoolers must help their children in ways that parents of older kids should not. But building a sense of resilience starts in toddlerhood.

 

Say Yes to No gives parents the tools and skills to avoid “helicopter parenting” and build resilience in their child.

I was in Montana last week talking to the school superintendents and community leaders.   These school leaders believe that the message of No is a critical issue.   Montana is excited to organize to bring the Say Yes to No campaign to their parents, teachers and communities.

After my talk a business leader made an interesting connection.  He related that as I was talking, it occurred to him that the financial meltdown on Wall Street is the end result of a “More, Easy, Fast and Fun” culture and the lack of the ability to say no.  Over the last decade we’ve watched executives walk off with millions of dollars while their companies went down the drain.  Easy money was dangled in front of thousands of home owners and buyers.  Easy money flowed into the pockets of those in the financial markets.  Our more conservative banking counterparts in Europe and elsewhere, and our own smaller main street banks only looked on in disbelief as the More, Easy, Fast and Fun culture spread into the finance arena.  On a large scale this is an example of how the lack of self-discipline and the ability to say no, the “gotta have it and gotta have it now” culture can lead to disaster.  

How are we helping our kids learn the character traits they’ll need to be successful in school and in life and avoid the More, Easy, Fast and Fun disasters?

Dr. Dave

I’m not surprised at the results of the latest Pew Internet and American Life Project’s research report on Teens, Video Games and Civics (http://pewresearch.org/pubs/953/teens-video-games-and-civics).
The report included an overall survey of teen video game usage and related this to political and civic engagement.

99% of boys and 94% of girls play video games showing that video games are as common as TV for this generation.   Almost 50% of kids are playing video games on any given day.  Moreover, kids are mostly playing age appropriate games with their favorites being racing, puzzle, sports, action and adventure games.   I was also happy to see that at least 65% of teens play video games with others at least in the room with them.  This means that these parents have their video game system in the common space of their home, where they can monitor play, not in kids’ bedrooms.

The study also found that nearly quarter of teens do play games exclusively alone; and with online gamers, although 47% play with people they first met offline, another 27% of teens play with people they only know online.

So although this study has many positive things to report about video games there are two areas of concern.  First, Pew found that 50% of teen boys reported an M or A/O rated game as being among their top three favorites.  Gory violence and mature sexual themes are the reason these games are rated M or Adults Only.  These are games that should be out of the hands of teen boys for a whole host of reasons.  Parents and the gaming industry need to still be alert to the effects of violent and mature sexual gaming on the developing teen player.

Second, this study did not directly report on the effects of total screen time for kids and teens.  Whether this screen time is computers, video games, cell phones screens or TV – our kids are spending 44 hours a week in front of screens – more time than a full time job.  This is a cultural change that is contributing to a number of negative outcomes for kids, including the current obesity epidemic.

The conclusion is what we strive to say here at the National Institute on Media and the Family (www.mediawise.org): videogames can be a fun, and educational part of a child’s life if they are age appropriate and kept in balance with regards to time.  This means that parents need to monitor and have family rules for video game play.  This means that it helps parents to have video game consoles out in the living area of their home – not in kids’ bedrooms.  It just makes the parents’ job easier.   What helps you monitor your child’s video game play?

Dr. Dave

A local TV station ran an experiment recently with a group of teens at a Boys and Girls Club who agreed to give up their cell phones for one week.  Here are some of their reported comments:

Adults:
“It's on the phone, it's texting all the time, it's internet.  It's constant."
"I think, surprisingly, they'll learn they can get along better without that stuff than they thought,"
"I don't know what they're going to do with their time. This generation is so used to being completely in touch all the time, 24/7."
"Some people would say they learn to multi-task, but as a parent, what I see is the not focusing enough on one thing and finishing it."

Teens:
"I like texting. It's easy,"  "I do it a lot. Like every hour."
"It's a way to talk without really speaking."

Teens after giving up cell phones for a week:
"I get to interact in a way I haven't interacted in a while,"
"I feel like a just got a chunk ripped out of me,"
"I kind-of miss the feeling in my pocket."
"I almost missed my bus.”

"I've done a lot more, finished a lot more games with the kids than when I had my phone because I wasn't always texting.”
"Keeping myself busy so I don't think about it." (Joined a soccer team.)
"I got back to my artistic side."  (Started drawing again.)

Adults:
"Her ability to concentrate is so much better.   I mean, she literally is unable to associate with people when she has her phone." (Boss)
"Having to stay focused on a sustained argument over several pages or a long discussion is really different than just these short burst of texts."  (College Professor)
“According to a study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, face-to-face communication is the second least popular method of communication for multi-tasking teens.”

So, what can we learn from this experiment?  One thought is that there are a lot of communication skills that are necessary for success in the 21st century, both in school, on the job, and in life.  Cell phones and other technologies are great, wonderful tools, but some day you are going to have to look someone in the eye and you better have some verbal communication skills wired into your brain so you’ll know what to say.   The teen brain is still being wired and experience drives what connections are made and not made.  It’s our job as adults to make sure that our kids have the range of experiences which will wire their brains for success in the 21st century.

Join the National Institute on Media and the Family’s MediaWise Network (www.mediawise.org).  You can download our free Parent Guide to Cell Phone Use.

Dr. Dave

I am on vacation until September 16th, so please check back after that!!!

Dr. Dave

I’ve had the honor of being at two wonderful weddings these past weeks.  I know the enormous amount of time and energy these two couples put into all the planning for their celebrations.  Checking off all the details for food, music, dresses, tuxes, decorations, table settings, flowers, etc. etc. takes months of preparation.  But the single most important parts of both weddings are the promises, the vows that these two couples made to each other.   With different words, both couples essentially promised the same thing: to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.  What a rich and wonderful journey they are starting.

Every relationship, whether it’s a friendship, partnership or a marriage starts out with a promise.  If the people involved are lucky, work hard at it and are mindful in nourishing themselves as well as their partner, they will see their relationship grow into something that will enrich their lives for a lifetime.   

I also realized that some of the character traits these couples need are the same character traits that we talk about in Say Yes to No: being able to say no to yourself, practicing self discipline, persevering, looking at long term goals, and not needing to have it all right now, right this minute.   All these character traits come into play in helping a person enjoy, foster, and maintain good relationships with friends, work colleagues, or with a marriage or long term partner.  I knew both these couples well, and even though life always brings bumps in the road, I know they’ve got a good start.

Dr. Dave