We live such busy lives that time to connect with our kids are at a premium.  Summer days bring many fun opportunities for family time – vacations, reunions, days at the lake, park or beach, or maybe just a walk or bike or trip around the city.    These are great fun and we should get in as much as we can during our warm summer months.

But I was reminded this past weekend of another opportunity to share family time – job time.  We were clearing and washing the dishes from our first family gathering with our new daughter-in-law from Peru when I realized that even more sharing was going on than in the previous hour.   We were working together and I realized we were sharing the every day stuff of life.  

We can do this with our kids too.  Modern conveniences, as much as we all love them, can take away opportunities to just work together.   Washing dishes is such a one-person, one-machine job now.   I’m not advocating throwing out your dishwasher, but try to find jobs that you can do together.  Maybe it is washing and drying the dishes by hand, folding clothes, washing a few windows or the car, making a meal together, weeding, or dusting.  There are lots of tasks that need to be done to keep a home in shape.  Include your kids, do the work with them, slow down and chat.  You can make any job more fun.  Our More, Easy, Fast and Fun culture has done a great job of telling us that work is not enjoyable and should be minimized as much as possible. But we miss a great opportunity if the traditional fun time is the only time we connect with our kids.   What jobs can you do with your kids? 

Dr. Dave

There’s a generational divide and we all know it.  80% of adults in a recent poll reported that they believed that kids need different skills to achieve success today than just twenty years ago.  Times are a’ changing and they are changing fast.  I’ve taken to reading the Business section first because that’s where I get the latest technology news – the news that changes how we live our lives.

And it is media technology that is at the core of this change.  How we communicate, when, where, how fast, and content.  We can send pictures to a loved one over the phone every day when they are away from home.  We text, blog, twitter, wiki, email…connect…connect…connect…it’s a new generation. 

If kids need 21st century skills, then parents need 21st century parenting knowledge and techniques.  Kids are not born knowing how to handle all this media technology.  They quickly learn how to use it and use it almost to the point of addiction.  But, parents have the responsibility to teach, guide, and instill the values, skills, and character traits their children will need to traverse the 21st century divide and find success and happiness.  The character traits kids need, thank goodness, are the same as they’ve always been: self-discipline, ability to delay gratification, ability to help another person, inter-personal skills, manners, etc.  Kids need the language and communication skills to interact with another person.    They need to learn how to learn, and thus feel good about the skills they are gaining.   Say Yes to No helps parents gain the strategies they need to parent in the 21st century.   What are the 21st century skills you think kids need?

Dr. Dave

 

Fort Wayne Indiana Community Schools and the Michigan school principals are getting ready to launch Say Yes to No.  People are fired up about bringing the No message to their communities and schools.  The Michigan principals said loud and clear that what they like the most about Say Yes to No is that it’s not about blaming parents or teachers.  They know that parents are committed to their kids’ welfare.

What Say Yes to No does is help parents and teachers understand more clearly that it’s the culture of More, Easy, Fast and Fun that’s behind the growing epidemic of Discipline Deficit Disorder.  They too recognize that the only way to counter-act such a powerful force is for parents and teachers to join together in conversations, to support each other to use the parenting strategies of No.  That’s why the school principals of Michigan and the community leaders and PTAs of Fort Wayne Indiana are excited to ignite Say Yes to No conversations across their state and schools.

Do you have a Say Yes to No story?  Share it.

Dr. Dave

 

Parents are worried about advertising aimed at their children and they should be.  From toy giants Disney and Fisher Price marketing digital cameras for toddlers to teens receiving ad messages on their cell phones.   Marketing opportunities are everywhere kids are – at home, in the community, or at school - in video games, social networking sites, the on-line virtual worlds of Neopets and Webkinz, etc., music, and the old stand-by – television.  It’s a multi billion dollar industry and here’s the reason why: money.

There’s money to be made from kids, and companies are paying attention.  The buying power of just the ‘tween age group is estimated at $260 billion a year.  Yes, that’s billion.  This group of kids is twenty million strong in the U.S. and spends about $28.4 billion of their own cash.  Add in what their parents spend on them and it reaches the $260 billion mark.

So it seems that parents are also dancing to the tune that the marketers play to kids.  This is why Say Yes to No has hit such a cord among parents.  Parents know that something is out of balance.  What’s missing in these marketing messages of More, Easy, Fast and Fun are the core character traits that they know kids need to be successful.  How are you using the No strategies with your child?

Dr. Dave

Picnics, cookouts, fireworks… July 4^th is a traditional time for outdoor events and family gatherings.  Summertime just doesn’t get any better.  July 4 is also almost mid-summer and a good time to re-assess how your MediaWise® summer is going.  Think about how much time your kids are spending in front of screens versus time spent outdoors, or non-screen indoor activities.

 

It’s time to pry your kid away from their video games, TVs, and hand-held screens.  Ask your kids if they’d rather play outside or play a video game.  If they choose video games, then it’s time to re-introduce them to the great outdoors.  Check your paper for local park and nature activities.  Or let your kids plan their own nature hunt in your own backyard…or build a mini-golf course…or stage their own Olympic events.  Getting kids active often just means letting them activate their own creativity.  Check our MediaWise Network resources if you are looking for more ideas.

 

One way to combine screens and outdoors is to let your kids film their own short movie (if you have or can borrow a camera) - only it has to be done outdoors. 

 

In short, have a great July 4^th holiday.  Enjoy these summer days, they will slip by ever so fast.  There’s never a better time for kids to be outside and families to enjoy summer activities together.  What are your kids doing for outdoor fun this summer?

Dr. Dave

I ended my commencement talk for the South High graduation with one more question:  “What would I do if I were not afraid?”

Fear often keeps us from engaging in life, from saying hello to the person on the bus to big life decisions.  Fear is often masked in other excuses like: “It wouldn’t work out anyway or I don’t have the skills to do that.”  What we are really saying is “I’m afraid to take a risk.  I’m afraid I’ll fail.”  When my own kids are wrestling with a decision – I will often ask them, “What would you do if you were not afraid?”  When they can glimpse the path ahead and name fear as their roadblock, their decision is easier.  In truth, kids (and all of us) need to learn to acknowledge our fear and take the step anyway – do the fear.

It’s not easy, it’s hard, but with a parent’s or other caring adult’s support, a child can take that step from joining a new class or team, signing up for camp, asking for help, volunteering, calling a new friend, putting effort into a project, and what they find is that they’ve accomplished something that makes them proud – they’re building real self-esteem.

A discerning adult understands the difference between fear and terror. Help a child handle a fear.  A terrified child needs more comfort and support- this is a different story.

How have you helped a child handle a fear?

Dr. Dave

I had the honor of addressing the South High School graduates last week at their commencement. Since all three of my own kids graduated from South High and I have been back several times to speak to different classes, this was a very special occasion for me. I thought I would pass on my thoughts.

For the last twelve years graduates have had to come up with answers. They’ve had to multiply, divide, use theorems, search for reasons in history classes, search for meaning in English classes, spell the words right, create the projects.  

Now at graduation, it’s time to turn to asking questions. For questions are more important than answers. The reason is, is that our brains are built to search for answers to questions. Have you ever had the experience of trying to think of someone’s name, can’t remember it, but hours later the name just pops into your mind?  All that time, without your conscious attention, your brain was searching for the answer to that question. This happens all the time and we can use this brain power to make a profound change in how we engage with life each day.

If I get up in the morning and my first question is: “What lousy things are going to happen today?” Then I’ll spend the entire day looking for lousy things. Whereas if my question is: “What good thing will happen today?” I will constantly search for and notice the good things that happen to me. Unexpected things, sometimes little, sometimes big, but good things that will work to set my feelings about myself and the world I live in. Having our brains looking for the good things also gives us some resiliency when the inevitable bad things happen – we can cope better.

May your question will be: “Who’s the most interesting person I will meet today? If it is then your brain will spend the entire day constantly looking for the best in other people. So, life can be much richer if only we ask the right questions.

What’s your question for your brain each morning?

Dr. Dave

My goddaughter is waking up today with a few more aches and pains than usual. We cheered her on last Saturday as she (and 7,000 other runners) ran Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth, MN. It was inspiring to watch so many people persist through obvious discomfort to reach their goal. The race started out with lots of cheering and nervousness, smiles, high spirits and laughter.  At mile five, the runners were already down to business. It was a warm day and the going was already rough, and promised to get much rougher. What motivated these runners to train so hard, to overcome obstacles, to run through the pain and remain focused on their goals – a Grandma’s Marathon t-shirt?  Don’t think so. Something deeper motivated these folks. The deep down feeling of satisfaction – real self esteem – that happens when you really work towards and accomplish your goal is a better bet. When they cross that finish line, each person has a new hard won identity tag. They can now say “I’m a marathoner,” and feel the well-spring of pride each time they say it.

Many things in life are “marathons” and require effort, work and yes, pain, to achieve. Not everything is a sprint.  Say Yes to No is all about marathons. Teaching our kids the skills they’ll need to achieve their goals. Our kids will face many finish lines and every time they put in the effort to learn a new skill, accomplish a challenging task, complete a course or degree, try something new, reach out to a new friend, help another person, learn from failure, they too will feel that special deep down feeling of satisfaction – real self esteem – that leads to success in school and in life.

My god-daughter crossed the finish line, tired, but with a smile.  Do you have a “crossing the finish line” story to share?

David Walsh