Another kid story to pass along about the (grand-) parenting power of No. 

A proud grandfather shared this story with me. His 5 year old grandson found the No book on their coffee table. He picked it up, curious about the cover and held it out to his grandma and asked “Can you read me a story?” Grandma looked at him, smiled, opened the book No and began to read the first page – the story of the young four year old and the Target melt down.

The grandson loved the story and their chat together about the “gimmies”. He now calls it the No Book, and wanted to take it home so that his parents could read him more stories. Needless to say the grandparents gave him their copy. But they found they had to buy another copy because at their grandson’s next visit, he asked for another story and chat from the No Book.

Saying No when we need to is not always easy, but kids continue to teach us that it’s the right thing to do.

Remind yourself that you’re not the only parent who has experienced a child throwing temper tantrums in public.  While having a child make a scene can be uncomfortable and embarrassing, teaching your child that no means no has a long-term benefit of him or her learning self-control.  The good news is that when handled consistently, most children outgrow tantrums by age 3 – 5.

When shopping with your children, state the purpose of your errand before you go to the store.  Stick with your agenda.

Tell your child, “We’re not buying anything, but you can show me which toys you like.”

When your child asks to buy something say, “Put it on your wish list” or remind them that the purpose of the trip was X.

Talk about your values regarding spending, purchasing or other money matters at other times than when you’re at the store.

Model non-impulsive shopping for your children:  let them help you make a shopping list, cut out coupons, and compare prices.  Then let them see you wait to purchase when you’ve saved the money.

Avoid shopping with your children around meal or nap times.  Equally important is avoiding shopping when you’re tired, cranky, or short on patience.

Say Yes to No was kicked off across the Anoka-Hennepin School District this week.  Parents and teachers around the district came together in book discussion groups.  Luckily they were able to schedule their gatherings between the snow storms we’ve been experiencing this week.

Having parents come together is an important part of this campaign.  The No conversation is all about parents supporting one another, learning from one another and discovering what works for their families.  Just realizing that it’s OK to say no is a big step in this media driven “yes” culture.  The holiday season is upon us and with it often a big dose of stress – how to fit everything into a schedule that is already packed.  Try to pick and do what’s most important to you and say no to the rest.  It is OK to say no.

Learning to say No

The National Institute on Media and the Family just released its annual Video Game Report Card at a press conference in Washington DC. The reason I bring it up here with Say Yes to No is that one of our findings was that parents are increasingly arguing with their children over when and how much time kids can play video games. 

Saying no is not always easy. You can cut down on arguments however with parenting tactics that work. Lay the ground-rules ahead of time. Be clear on what the consequences are if the rule is not adhered to. Most importantly, follow through and be consistent.   Use timers, media tickets or some other device to keep track of video game and other screen use. And keep the video game system out of kids’ bedrooms and in the family room where you can keep an eye on content and time played.

Finding the right media balance for your children is an important parenting task. The strength of a child’s argument is an indication of the powerful pull of media. Saying no when you need to is a gift for your children’s future.

The word “discipline” comes up in every Say Yes to No discussion.  Self-discipline…school discipline…Are we trying to turn our kids into little robots, following orders?  Most emphatically no.  The gift of self-discipline frees a child to actually think and question more often.  Self-discipline leads to success.   The more successful a child is, the more competent they are which raises their self-esteem.  A competent child realizes they have choices and will more often than not choose the path to success.

We associate the word “discipline” with rules and restrictions.  But the actual root of the word comes from the Latin word meaning “to teach.”  When we teach our kids to manage themselves, we are giving them a gift for life – self-discipline.

Thanksgiving Greetings

Thanksgiving is a time to pause and reflect on the gifts that make our lives so rich. The energy that so many of you have put into the Say Yes to No campaign over the past three months has indeed made all our lives in Minnesota and in our communities richer.

In recent weeks we have received inquiries and requests for Say Yes to No from as far away as Argentina. Clearly parents around the world see the benefit of No for their children. Children are growing up in a fast paced and rapidly changing world and they need all the tools we can give them to have happy and productive lives.  

So, thank-you to all the parents, teachers, principals, administrators, and community leaders who are supporting one another in giving our kids the gifts of self-discipline and resilience.

“It’s up to us.”

Last week a parent from Benilde-St. Margaret’s High School in St. Louis Park, Brenda Coleman, listened to the Say Yes to No presentation.   As the talk finished, Brenda looked at the two parents sitting next to her and said, “It’s up to us.”

Brenda and these two parents are acting on the No message and joining Minnesota Say Yes to No.  They intend to start the conversations at Benilde-St. Margaret with parent discussion groups on the book No.  Change happens one conversation at a time.  We look forward to hearing more from them.

Minnesota Say Yes to No kicked off at Benilde- St. Margaret’s in St. Louis Park with a speaking event attended by over 285 parents and teachers. Many of these parents of 7th through 12th graders came with a question, “Am I the only one dealing with these Yes pressures?”

Here’s what they found:

From the parent coordinator:
“We’re all in this together and we’re going to make these conversations happen.”

Another parent:
“Thank you, thank you…finally I feel like I can breathe and be a parent, not just a friend.”

A dad:
“In this Yes community where we can give our kids everything, it’s nice to know we don’t need to provide everything.”

Conversations and discussions on NO are spreading from parent to parent, school community to school community.