“Is it ever too late to say No?”  That’s the most common question heard at a No presentation.  And it happened again in San Francisco last Friday:  “I always had a hard time saying ‘no’ to my daughter.  Now she’s 13 and out of control.  Is it too late?”

It’s never too late to start setting limits and saying No when you should with your child – whether your child is two or thirty.  It’s harder to change behaviors the older a child gets, but with consistency and follow through, your message will get through and new behavior patterns will emerge. 

That’s why the book No has a chapter with information, practical tips and parenting strategies for all ages.  Minnesota Say Yes to No is the campaign that encourages this conversation – it’s never too late.

If you are interested in getting involved with Say Yes to No in your community, please call Alissa Peichel at 612-385-1565 for more information.

Some wonderful new voices were added to the Say Yes to No conversation on Wednesday.

Dr. Walsh traveled to John Adams Middle School to launch Say Yes to No in southeastern Minnesota. John Adams Middle School principal, Richard Jones, Ph.D., along with Harriet Bishop Elementary School principal, Jacque Peterson, Triton Elementary School 2nd grade teacher Brennen Rath, and Triton Public Schools counselor, Katie Wanous, joined Dr. Walsh to announce the campaign.

The announcement was covered by the Rochester Post-Bulletin, as well as the regions major television networks. Watch the coverage on the KAAL Web site.

If you are interested in getting involved with Say Yes to No in your community, please call Alissa Peichel at 612-385-1565 for more information.

September 21, was a very exciting day for Say Yes to No.  At the annual Alliance Educational Summit in Minneapolis, Dr. Walsh spoke to hundreds of teachers, educators and parents about Minnesota Say Yes to No. When the audience was asked who had already joined the Minnesota Say Yes to No campaign, more than half of the people in the room stood up.

For those who remained seated, the question was “How can I be involved?”  The answer is simple: Read the book, start a conversation, and empower your kids to be successful.

Another way your community can get involved with Say Yes to No is by becoming a Say Yes to No school. If you would like to become a leader of Say Yes to No in your school please e-mail Alissa Peichel at alissa@dreamupconsulting.com.

In every place on earth and at every point in history, people have always described and created their culture with the stories they tell. Through stories we tell each other what matters, how to act, and what we should remember. The story of this nation’s revolutionary origins and founding fathers, for instance, is a powerful story that helps bind us together as Americans, a people with common goals and values.

These days, most of the stories we share come through the electronic media. TV shows, movies, and even video games, have come to replace books and live performances as the dominant forms of storytelling. In many ways this is great – after all, the electronic media have a wider reach, and often, a more visceral impact than the older forms. The modern media offer us a chance to share even more of our culture with each other.

The problem with the modern media is the kind of stories they tell. Because the vast majority of movies, TV shows, video games and other electronic media are made for profit, they often depict values and situations that quickly grab our attention or convince us to buy a product. That’s why we see so much sex, violence and profanity on the screen. That stuff shocks and intrigues us. When we see it, we want to know what will happen next, so we stick around. And that’s exactly what advertisers and for-profit producers want. 

Think about the culture that creates. The characters on our screens act rashly and violently. They are often wealthy and powerful.  They fall into bed with beautiful women and off the back of moving vehicles, usually without consequence. Thanks to the electronic storytellers, we are raising our children in a culture that says we should go after whatever seems fast, easy and fun. 
When we Say Yes to No, we tell our kids a different story. We tell them that life is not always a matter of instant gratification. We tell them that hard work, respect for others, and personal growth are the road that lets us ride off into the sunset.

Here are a few tips to get your discussions on toddlers and preschoolers started. For more tips and a discussion model, please go to the toolkit!

Ice breaker: Give 3 index cards to each participant.  Two of the cards have a character trait gift written on them, the other has a material gift written on it.

Tell the participants that these are gifts from them to their children as they grow to adults. But, tell the participants they must choose – they can only give 2 of these gifts to their children.  They must discard one card into a container.  What gifts did you keep to give and why?

Sample character trait gifts: connection, fairness, courage, self-discipline, generosity, imagination, honesty, empathy, makes the effort, kind, etc.

Sample material gifts: Baby Einstein, Elmo toy, Disney movie, lego set, Dora playset, etc.

Three samples questions for discussion on the first five chapters of No:

1. Do you agree that today’s parents have a more difficult time saying No than parents did in previous generations?  Why?

2. What do you think the effects of “More, Easy, Fast, Fun” and instant rewards are on kids?  

3. No describes three styles of parenting: permissive, authoritarian, and balanced.  How would you describe your own style of parenting?

It appears Minnesota Say Yes to No is striking a national nerve. U.S. News and World Report ran a story in its September 17 edition on Minnesota Say Yes to No, and it continues to build momentum, not only in Minnesota, but across the nation. 

While Minnesota leads this grassroots movement, all signs indicate that Say Yes to No will spread across the country as soon as next fall. People are catching the Say Yes to No fever! Minnesota schools are joining the campaign daily, and we hope you are part of that excitement.

Together we are cultivating action and commitment that will create a healthy future for our children.

On Saturday, September 15, Dr. Walsh is speaking at a symposium for parents called "Media and Your Kids." This is a great opportunity to learn firsthand about Say Yes to No from Dr. Walsh, and to find fellow community members with whom to start the Say Yes to No conversation.

The symposium, organized by the Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators, will be conducted from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at Woodbury Lutheran Church, 7389 Afton Road, Woodbury. The cost is $10. Register at www.mache.org.

Sharing our stories.
Since I wrote the book No: Why Kids - Of All Ages – Need to Hear It And Ways Parents Can Say It, many people have shared their “ah-ha” moments with me. Moments when the messages in the book really hit home. Their stories paint a powerful picture.

A father shared with me that his 14-year-old daughter ran up a $140 phone bill and simply expected him to foot the bill. A teacher told me she spends more time disciplining her students than teaching them U.S. History. A father faced a violent tantrum when he asked his son to stop playing video games and come to dinner. A mother realized that she couldn’t say No to her kids because she didn’t know how to say No to herself. Ah-ha.

No isn’t just a word, it’s a parenting strategy.
These ah-ha moments are instructive to us as parents. It’s when we realize that the media messages promoting “More, Fast, Easy and Fun” are powerful. It’s when we realize these Yes media messages undermine the universal qualities that we would like to see in our grown children. Virtues like perseverance, patience, commitment, determination, and diligence. It’s when we realize these traits don’t come automatically; kids learn them. And they should learn them from us.

Say Yes to No.
Setting limits and saying No isn’t always easy. That’s why it’s so important that we support one another, share our stories, and work together to reclaim powerful strategies that help kids succeed. Minnesota Say Yes to No isn’t about telling you what to do or how to parent. It is about sparking conversations, in living rooms, parenting classes, PTO meetings, and book clubs across Minnesota, about the kind of caring adults we want to be and the kind of kids we want to raise. The book is just a starting place. It is through reflection and conversation with other parents that you will develop No strategies that work for your family, your community, your kids.