Self Discipline = SUCCESS

An interesting article landed in my inbox today: “How Not to Talk to Your Kids” by Po Bronson (New York Magazine, Feb.12, 2007.)

From its title I thought I would be reading about parents who tear into their kids at every turn, nagging or belittling. But then the sub-title caught my eye: “The inverse power of praise.” and I knew I was seeing an article relating to No, self-esteem and self-discipline.  
But what could be wrong about praising kids? If we tell them they are smart and intelligent, won’t that make them feel good about themselves, leading to increased self esteem and success? In No I talk about the three myths of self esteem, the 2nd of which is “Self esteem = feeling good.”

In case after case, study after study, the author found that praising kids for being “smart” led to kids who did not achieve, who were not successful. These kids avoided challenge and only attempted a task if they already knew they would succeed - behavior that affirmed what parents were saying to them: that they were “smart”.

I will continue to explore these ideas in future blogs because how we talk to our kids to build real self esteem and their ability to delay gratification directly affects our kids’ ability to achieve and build success for themselves.