You can almost sense the wind changing and that can only mean one thing: Senioritis.  It’s that time of year when high school seniors, whether they are going on to college, work, or training will kick back and want to throw all the rules out the window.

A dad came up after a talk in Minnetonka and asked the big question many parents face when spring hits a high school senior’s household (and I’m not talking about spring break – that is another issue.) 

“My daughter challenged me with a tough question that I don’t know how to answer: ‘Your rules,’ she said, ‘don’t make any sense any more.  I’m going to college next fall, living on campus and I’ll be able to do whatever I want.  So it doesn’t make any sense to have these rules now.’”  The dad looked really perplexed, saying “She’s right, in a way.”

My response was measured because his daughter was right, in a way.  It doesn’t make sense to keep the same rules for a high school senior that you have for a junior or even in the fall of senior year.  As you know the job of a parent is to loosen the rules as your kids get older, giving your child more responsibility for their own behavior choices.  But even in the spring of senior year, you loosen, but you don’t let go completely.  Curfew is always the big question.  Responsibilities around the house, schoolwork, other commitments, etc. are others.  Yes, this dad’s daughter should have more responsibility for her own behavior – certainly she will have to self-motivate in college to meet a multitude of demands and responsibilities – but this dad is still a parent.  We know from brain science that a teen’s brain development, especially in the pre-frontal cortex, the area for thinking ahead and considering consequences, is not fully developed until the early twenties.  With this knowledge, I advised this dad to talk with his daughter and find the areas where he could “loosen” the rules, but I urged him not to let go completely; his job is not done quite yet.