I don’t usually read advice columns, but this one caught my eye.  A couple’s dream wedding was to get married on the beach in Florida.  Unfortunately all the relatives, including both sets of grandparents, lived back in Michigan.  The groom was seeking advice on whether it would be OK to tell people not to bring a gift, but just give themselves a “little vacation in Florida” to come to their wedding.  

As I read it I realized that I had heard this scenario before…from friends.   This couple has a lot of choices to make and it all boils down to what they value.  Real choices in the real world always boil down to what you value.  Is this wedding only about the couple, or is it broader, focusing on family and community – how does this picture fit together?   Hard choices.  Of course there are lots of scenarios that could play out: beach wedding, Michigan reception…Michigan wedding, beach honeymoon…each answer sends its own message.   That’s why it’s important for parents to think about the values they want for their children.  Giving kids the character traits they need will give them the tools to be able to sort out life’s choices and easily see what’s really important to them, what values they are living out.

And what was the advice from the columnist?  “…maybe it’s time to learn to say ‘no’ to yourself.”  She voted for the Michigan wedding.

Dr. Dave