I ended my commencement talk for the South High graduation with one more question:  “What would I do if I were not afraid?”

Fear often keeps us from engaging in life, from saying hello to the person on the bus to big life decisions.  Fear is often masked in other excuses like: “It wouldn’t work out anyway or I don’t have the skills to do that.”  What we are really saying is “I’m afraid to take a risk.  I’m afraid I’ll fail.”  When my own kids are wrestling with a decision – I will often ask them, “What would you do if you were not afraid?”  When they can glimpse the path ahead and name fear as their roadblock, their decision is easier.  In truth, kids (and all of us) need to learn to acknowledge our fear and take the step anyway – do the fear.

It’s not easy, it’s hard, but with a parent’s or other caring adult’s support, a child can take that step from joining a new class or team, signing up for camp, asking for help, volunteering, calling a new friend, putting effort into a project, and what they find is that they’ve accomplished something that makes them proud – they’re building real self-esteem.

A discerning adult understands the difference between fear and terror. Help a child handle a fear.  A terrified child needs more comfort and support- this is a different story.

How have you helped a child handle a fear?

Dr. Dave