I was fortunate last Friday to meet with a group of psychologists to talk about Say Yes to No.  One of the most interesting parts of our discussion focused on self esteem and how to build the real thing.

The notion of self esteem got distorted when the “Self-Esteem Movement” picked up momentum in the 1960s.  A 1969 bestseller Psychology of Self-Esteem emphasized personal happiness as the ultimate goal in life.  Now there’s nothing wrong with personal happiness or feeling good about ourselves, but real self esteem is not built on just feeling good.  Real self esteem is built on the satisfaction that comes from achievement and competence.  And the good news is that you don’t need to be #1 to feel good about your achievement.  You do have to put in real effort, do the best that you can do, and feel proud of your accomplishment. 

Building real self esteem is at the heart of the Say Yes to No movement.  Self discipline is the character trait that enables kids to put in real effort and do the best that they can do.  Self discipline helps kids build real self esteem.