I got a question from a hard working day care provider
recently that I’ve been mulling over for a week. “Dr. Walsh,” she said, “What do I do with
parents who think their kids should always be happy?” Now my first thought, I have to admit, was
“Little kids? Of course they should be
happy.” Little smiling faces of my own
three kids when they were young floated through my mind’s eye. Then I had a reality check and focused on
what her question really asked and the word that jumped out was: always.
Is it our job as parents to make our kids happy? If that is true then we should spend our days
catering to their every need, removing all frustrations and bumps in the road,
making sure that no one else in their lives causes them any frustration, and of
course buying them whatever they want – just to make them happy. No, of course not, this is a direct route to
a spoiled child. Then, if it’s not our
job to make them happy, what is our job?
Life will dish out to each of us a basketful of
experiences. Some thrill and excite us and
make us happy. Others are difficult,
stressful, even painful and yes, make us unhappy. Our job as parents is to give our kids the
skills to not only enjoy the happy times, but how to recognize what happiness
really is. The trick is in order to do
this our kids need to experience unhappiness, frustration and all the normal
bumps in the road. For instance, if they
never feel disappointed, they will never learn to resolve disappointment and
move themselves to a happier state. Our
job as parents then becomes helping our children learn how to make themselves
(and others) happy.
The day care provider solved her own question. “I’m going to start a No book read with my day care parents, so we can all be on the same
page.” I hope I hear back from her
soon.
