We’ve had quite a few discussions around the table with our grown children on the latest research on the use of praise. They really keyed into the difference between just telling kids they are “smart” versus praising kids for real effort. One last interesting bit of this study found that smart kids who were taught that their brains were muscles which get stronger if they think hard and exercise them, actually achieved at a higher level than comparable kids who were just told they were smart. 

So, how should we praise kids?

1. Praise the effort more than the ability. Instead of “You’re really smart,” say “I like the way you stuck with that math problem.”

2. Praise should be specific rather than generic. Instead of “You’re good at math,” say “You did a good job on your multiplication tables.”

3. Praise should be sincere. Kids know by the age of seven when praise is insincere and they begin to believe the opposite. “I must be a really bad hockey player if they tell me that I played a good game.”
   
   
4. Praise should be intermittent, not overdone. Intermittent praise activates the orbito prefrontal cortex of the brain, the motivation circuit.